All posts in musings

current state of motherhood

I feel like this gets talked about a lot but….it is so true.  The range of experiences and emotions that one experiences as a (primarily) stay-at-home parent is mind blowing.  Within a given day (ok, lets be real, 1/2 hour), I experience the highs of watching my children play, sharing their joy, observing their development, receiving and giving affection, etc. etc…  I also experience the lows of meltdowns, physical exhaustion, loneliness, messes, you get the idea.  Most days I find myself apologizing once or more to my kids for messing up (hey, moms have meltdowns too).

 

But for real.  these faces.  we’ve had a fabulous and long summer break and

it has been just. so. great.

Merry everything 

I’m working on a “year in review” post but in the meantime, here are some Holiday photos. Every year I find myself thinking about how I can plan, organize, and do more, but I think that’s just the nature of being a mom at Christmas time! December included track out for Jackson, multiple illnesses for almost all of us, Play dates, advent, trips to the library, museum visits, baking, Christmas movies, crafting, too much screen time, slow mornings, book reading, Christmas music, and way too many treats! We have been merry and yes, tired and short on patience at times, but I’m so thankful for Jesus and family and Christmas!

birthday eve

tonight, i have been waiting for maggie to fall asleep.  tonight, her fourth tooth is almost there and she knows she would rather rock and cuddle with momma in the nursery chair than fall asleep.

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last year on the night of october 6th, I was four days after my due date.  i had been having regular contractions since about 4:00 when we were playing at the park with friends.  last year, at this time, i had already stayed at the hospital 3 times prior with the pregnancy.  including a brief trip two nights before.  eleanor was at the house, we were watching a movie and i was getting everything ready to go.  i had been apprehensive about having to leave jackson without being able to say goodbye and that didn’t happen at all! he knew that the baby was coming, he knew “e” was there, and i had been able to put him to bed myself, his last night as an only child.

everyone (including my doctor) said that the second baby would come so much faster than the first.  and while it is true that my labor with maggie was shorter than with jackson, it was in no way fast.  21 hours after regular contractions began, at 2:31 pm on October 7th, Maggie Grace Sutton was born.

when we got to the hospital around 11 or 12, labor was regular and getting more intense but it was clear that Maggie was not coming any time soon.  many laps were walked.  i was pretty much the only woman in labor at the hospital.  at one point while i was walking the halls, I saw a mom being wheeled to her recovery room with her new baby on her lap.  i longed to be on the other side, to experience the relief of it all being over!

after a long night, i was able to get the epidural around 5 something in the morning.  i felt that i experienced more intense labor with maggie than i did with jackson and boy, was that epidural sooo niiice.  🙂  i felt so relieved.  travis and i slept.  i only napped a little while before just enjoying the peace of relief and the sunny morning.  i did have a few minutes of excitement right after getting the epidural.  it felt like a panic attack and after some oxygen i felt much better.  (travis slept through that incident!) and a few minutes after the nurses left, i took off my oxygen mask thinking i was fine and then the panic happened again.  this time, i couldn’t find the call button and screamed at travis to find a nurse.  travis, who was oblivious to what was going on woke up and ran into the hallway.  this time, i left the oxygen mask on for quite some time 🙂

throughout the morning i kept everyone up to date via text, i listened to worship music and honestly just felt so good and excited.  after getting the epidural labor progressed and in the 1.5 to 2 hrs leading up to maggie’s arrival i again (as i did with jackson) experienced some intensity!  right before it was time to push, to travis’ alarm, the tears started to flow!  not from pain or fear, but from the sheer excitement of knowing i was going to meet my baby girl in moments!

the biggest difference between having jackson and having maggie, was that, with jackson, i had no idea what anything was going to be like.  it was so surreal.  after being jackson’s mommy, i knew what it meant to love a baby and my heart was ready.  after 2.5 pushes and about five minutes, maggie grace was on my chest and screaming!  she definitely made more noise than her brother upon arrival and weighed 8 lbs 4 oz.  (the doctor was convinced there was no way i was going to have an 8 lb baby but i had guessed 8 lbs 1 oz).  and that hair!!!

 

the doctor and nurses finished and slipped out quickly leaving travis and me to quietly meet and enjoy our girl.  after a while, i was wheeled to my room with maggie in my arms.  on the way we passed a woman walking the halls in labor.  i cant describe the feeling of finally seeing maggie’s face, holding her close, and knowing it was all done.

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Back to reality 

Jackson got on the bus just a few minutes ago but I already miss him. We finished the summer with a bang during his first track out and it felt so appropriate that he tracked back in on October 1st. It even feels like a new season outside today! 

We had a great time though, lots of movie nights, playtime, slow mornings, and road trip adventures. 
I love this guy. 

   
    
 

bittersweet

tonight when i was getting jackson out of the tub he told me (again) that he was a little bit sad about his school [coming to an end].  i tried explaining to him that sometimes we have different feelings at the same time, we can feel both happy and a little bit sad about something and that is called bittersweet.  after practicing how to say it a few times he said, “its a little confusing”.

i agree.

i know that in the scheme of things, preschool graduation is a small(ish) event in my life as a mom, but it feels significant to me, and to jackson.

when we were finishing up dinner yesterday on the patio, he started to get misty-eyed and told me that he wished it was the first day of school (not the last).  i never would have thought that such little ones could make such real friendships at such a young age.  i never thought that i would make such sweet friendships of my own amongst the preschool moms.

as for the sweet part of this season, i am so grateful that my boy is growing, developing, and learning as he should.  i want to show jackson how to always be excited about the future with all of its risks and uncertainties.

last day of school 2015

last day of school 2015

 

 

last day of school 2014

last day of school 2014

 

 

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